10-minute relationship therapy – Telegraph.co.uk

Telegraph.co.uk

10-minute relationship therapy Telegraph.co.uk Dr David Burns is a cognitive therapist specialising in relationship management. In the third of a 10-week series, he offers advice on how …

OK you’ve split,the love of your life has left,maybe you are the one who had moved out, but the result is you are now alone.You and your ex are officially separated.

So where do you go from here.If getting back together with your ex is your next move don’t panic is the mantra you should be saying.

If you are thinking on the same lines as most couples who have separated then you first thoughts and actions will probably amount to one of panic.You will worry that you must contact your ex,maybe send her a text or hundreds.Texts that profess your undying love. Now I said that you would not be alone in thinking that this is your best option for getting back together with your ex.But let me tell you that if you do any of those things the result will be tragic and probably end in the total and final separation from your ex.

What you are doing by reacting like that (and as I say its perfectly natural) your are starting to PANIC…….

Panic is often a sign of desperation,which in turn will lead to hot headed decisions with little or no thought about the steps that you should be taking when trying  to get back together with your ex.What you should be doing is controlling those feeling of panic,suppressing that desire to hassle your ex with your texts,email or phone calls.You need to control those feelings and the quickest way that I know off is to understand where those feelings are coming from.

Your panic is coming from loss of control.

Now you may be saying that you where never in control at any stage of the relationship,especially the last few weeks of the break down.Even if your relationship was not ended with argument and tears, you where familiar with your ex. One day you were laughing, making plans together, the next it all disappeared. When you split that control disappeared and so your first reaction is Panic.The panic leads you to decide that you must get some control back.How do you do that.You guessed it, start by contacting your ex, bombarding them with your professions of undying love.

Recognise any of those symptoms?Did you panic,are you looking for control again?Is getting back together with your ex what you truly want to achieve?
Discover what you should be doing to get back together with ex.

Having an understanding  just why your relationship ended is the very first thing I would recommend you work at before you even contemplating getting back together with ex.Lets face your split has happened for a reason.

Now you may think that you know what caused your split but l can guarantee you that you are not aware of  is the number one reason why relationship fail.These reasons are completely different for men and women and need to be handled differently if you are serious about getting back together with ex.

So lets have a look at the most common reasons given for a break up.Infidelity,lack of respect, loss of interest loss of love will all be high on the agenda here but when you analyse the core reason which is what this article is all about then you will discover that men will leave a relationship for different reasons to women.Infidelity loss of interest lack of love are all symptoms,what we want to get to understand is the cause.

The real reason men leave a relationship.

The core reason a man will leave a relationship will be because of a lack admiration from their partner.Think about this,men crave respect for who they are and admiration especially from the opposite sex.Now a man may well use the excuse of other reasons but if your man has wandered or is no longer interested in you it is because he is not getting the admiration he craves.If he has hooked up with someone else then you can bet he is getting the admiration from the new girl in his life.

The real reason women leave a relationship

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The core reason women leave a relationship  is lack of appreciation.Appreciation for every thing they do not just the big things, looking after the kids or the house but also appreciation for the smaller things she does in the relationship.The time taken to listen to your problems or the love note in your sandwich box.

Now you may think this a rather simplistic approach to what we could be made in to very complex physiological process but again if you think about it a a core level then if your man is not feeling admired then he will crave it from somewhere else.If your girl is not feeling appreciated then she will be open to appreciation from some one else.

What you thought would last forever has ended.

“I will love you for ever”  replaced with recrimination, tears, silence and finally separation.

You remember the love,the good times,the happiness ,the fun shared with your ex. But that has all disappeared now.

Right now at this  point you may be thinking that your relationship cannot be rekindle,there may be somebody else on the scene,maybe your ex just needed more space.Whatever you are experiencing at this exact point in you life take heart.Getting Back Together With Your Ex is possible.You can rebuild your relationship,not only that but you can rebuild it so that its is stronger and better than anything in the past.

At this particular moment you may be feeling that the relationship is too badly damaged to be repaired.Too much hurt and heartache suffered to rebuild what you had originally.May be you are the only one trying to rebuild.

As difficult as it may seem now your separation may turn out to be the best thing that could have happened.Time apart will give you space.Space to step back and take stock,a time for reflection and thought. By stepping back you will be able to gain insight into just what was going wrong in your relationship.

Use this time out  to refocus on you.Take time to rediscover your goals hopes and aspirations and to restore your emotional balance.Time to rediscover yourself and whether getting back together with your ex is truly what you want.

Can your love love be repaired, despite all that has gone before?

Take heart,you can get back together with your ex and enjoy a better more fulfilling relationship  than at any time before.You may be feeling alone right now,don’t despair.thier’s  a lot for you to do and a lot that has to be done by you alone.

This blog is designed to help you do whats necessary so that you can decide if getting back together with your ex is the next move for you.

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”——–  Carl Bard”